My life since that tiny faint pink line showed up on a pregnancy test in February has been consumed by "Having a Baby". Everything I eat, purchase, save for, think about, stress about, pray about, dream about, is all about "Having a Baby". I've been to my OB appointments, I've decorated a nursery, I've read books, I've "mentally prepared myself" for labor (that last one is still in question. I'm ready to have a baby.

Call me crazy, or stupid... at this point I'm so fat and pregnant (a) I don't care and (b) there's nothing I could do about it anyways...

Until tonight, while in the shower (If you haven't noticed, that's when I do all my big thinking), I never thought past "Having a Baby". Whats the next step in line? What happens after I have this baby? Oh, I don't know, maybe... BECOMING A MOM?!

WHAM! if i hadn't been sitting down I would have fallen over. Why in all of this preparation had I not even considered this whole becoming a mom thing? That is a really big step that I don't know if I'm prepared for (too late now, well you better get ready, blah, blah, blah, thanks readers, I can hear you from here!!). Being a mom is much, much bigger than birthing this child.

What if I mess up? What if I don't teach him all the things he needs to know? What if I'm a bad influence on him? What if he doesn't like me? What if I spoil him too much? What if I deprive him of things he needs? What if he's put in a psychiatric ward by the time he is 12 and it's all my fault??

*panic*

So, I did what I always do when I panic... I prayed for Liam.

Dear God, please grow this baby boy big and strong. Lord, I know you have huge plans for and him and his future and that you will provide for him no matter what, even despite my shortcomings as a mom. Father, don't let my inabilities affect his abilities. Give him a heart that always seeks you and never sways from your path. God, equip me to raise this child, because I can't do this without you. Surround me with knowledgeable, Godly women to help me. Lord, raise up baby Liam and allow him to stand strong on the promises you've made, let him fulfill the plans that you have for his life, let him always find comfort in you. Thank you Jesus for this precious little man. Amen.

So simple, I know, and probably on the verge of silly.

Isn't this what every mother wants for her son?
Well, yes, but I find that simply wanting vs actually asking God and proclaiming his promises are two vastly different worlds.
"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done." Phil 4:6

Doesn't God already know you can't do this alone?
It's amazing the comfort I find in just telling God I'm incompetent even though he already knows.
"may he equip you with all you need for doing his will. May he produce in you, through the power of Jesus Christ, every good thing that is pleasing to him. All glory to him forever and ever! Amen." Heb 13:21

*side note* Call me crazy (again), but Liam knows when I pray for him. Seriously. There are 4 things he ALWAYS moves for...
1. Mexican Food - understandable... What on your insides doesn't move for that spicy stuff?
2. "Aunt" Lisa - understandable... She has the sweetest, most kind and compassionate voice, what baby wouldn't love that?
3. Will's Car Stereo - understandable... With subwoofers that loud, I'm surprised the child isn't traumatized from all of my insides shaking!
4. My Prayers For Him - explain that one?

Now I'm sitting on the couch hoping that I can be everything Liam needs me to be as a mom, knowing I'll fall short sometimes, and thanking God for his provision regardless.

"Mom" here I come...

*side note part II : The Remix* Progress with the nursery? Check it out....

Before

After







Ok, so there is still so much to do... But it's getting there!!