Last night we made our very first ER Visit with Liam.

We had a wonderful Friday Evening planned. I had been marinating steaks all day and had a killer new recipe for Loaded Mashed Potatoes I found on Pinterest. Liam and I had already visited the park, worked on a few house chores and had an all around good day.

It was getting close to bed time and Liam was starting to get crabby. I put him in his Bumbo and put him on the countertop like I do nearly every evening while I cook dinner. I was working hard on my Loaded Mashed Potatoes and Will started grilling the steaks. Liam is an outdoor enthusiast already, so I sent him outside to sit in his Bumbo with Will.

Will propped him on a stable, elevated surface about counter height under our carport where he was grilling. I came out several times to check them. Liam was playing and laughing. Will was standing directly next to him playing with him and checking steaks.

About the time the oven went off for the potatoes I heard Will yell. I knew from the sound of his voice something wasn't right. I then heard Liam begin screaming like I've never heard before. I raced to the other side of the house and met will coming through the door. I already knew what had happened but I asked anyways. Will was hysterical already. He was playing with Liam and turned around to check the steaks. When he turned Liam lunged forward to continue playing and flipped the Bumbo over. He fell and hit the concrete carport.

I immediately gave Liam a dose on Tylenol and held him. He cried and cried. Who could blame him? All the while I'm trying to calm my panicked husband.

I'm a waiter. I always try and wait things out. In any "emergency" situation I delay making the call to rush to the doctor if there is no obvious, blatant trauma (blood, bones sticking out...). I wanted to see how bad Liam was hurt before we ran off to the ER "for no reason". Will is the opposite. When things happen he wants to get in the car immediately.

Nothing was bleeding, but Liam was obviously hurting and scared.

When Liam stopped crying, I didn't feel right. He's always been very strong with holding his head up right, even since 2 weeks old. He wouldn't hold his head up. He acted extremely disoriented and wouldn't focus his attention.

After what seemed like hours (and was actually about 4 minutes) calming my husband and delaying him cranking the car. I knew we needed to go have him looked at.

I grabbed the diaper bag and started a bottle. I had Will pull the steaks off the grill and the potatoes out of the oven. I don't know where it came from, but as scared as I was, I was oddly calm about it all. It was a good balance to Will's panicked and upset state.

Liam was still extremely disoriented and was turning pale.

We got in the car and headed for the hospital. Will had no idea where to go. I directed him to the only hospital I knew of (which apparently was not the closest one!).

It had been raining for several hours. The roads were wet and Will was so rushed. I just knew that any injury Liam had wouldn't matter because we were about to hydroplane and die anyways. We passed a Sheriff clocking people. Will said he would have to pull him over in the hospital parking lot because he was not stopping. I agreed, but still thought he should slow down some. Luckily he didn't come after us.

I began to get even more worried in the car. Liam was white and was trying to doze off. I instantly went worst case thinking he had some kind of brain trauma. I wouldn't let him fall asleep!

My brain didn't feel like it was functioning properly. My calm demeanor at the house was losing out to fear and panic. I couldn't find my phone and couldn't remember what I had grabbed at the house, if the oven was turned off, or if we had shut the door. I didn't really care.

I got Will's phone and texted our friends at Revolve Church. I told them it was Leah, Liam had fallen far onto concrete, we needed prayers, we were on our way to the ER. I typed in names of anyone I could think of that Will might have in his phone. I know I left so many people out, but news traveled quickly.

Looking back, that message was so vague! People assumed he was bleeding to death! My poor parents had their anniversary dinner interrupted by my panicked words and rushed 45 minutes to check on us.

We made it to the hospital, got checked in, and saw the nurse. About 15 minutes had passed since Liam fell. By the time the nurse saw him, he was smiling some and began to focus more.

She got us back into the ER anyways.

The doctor saw us immediately. He checked Liam out and got him to smile several times and focus his attention. We saw another doctor as well. She recommended that Liam be kept for observation for a bit but she didn't want to do a CT because it was too much radiation and he seemed fine. Of course, by this point he is talking and laughing and you can't tell anything ever happened. That's how it happens I suppose.

So many of our friends showed up to check on him! Others sent encouraging messages. I'm so thankful for all of them! I had a moment then when I felt really silly for rushing to the ER and worrying everyone... but I'm certain it's better to be safe than sorry. God forbid he had actually had some type of real trauma and I would have waited. I would never forgive myself.

Aside from a nice goose egg and a scratch and a scrape, you would never know he got hurt. I've always heard people say "babies bounce", and I am so grateful they do. God knew what he was doing when he made them!

I woke him up a few times during the night. He was perfect! He seemed a bit sore this morning, but has been a happy boy!

As for the Bumbo. I KNOW the box says not to use it on elevated surfaces. But everyone does it. I really have never met anyone that hasn't put their child in a bumbo on the table or counter. I had only heard of ONE child flipping one and it was on the ground. To be perfectly honest, I brushed it off because he is WILD! I won't stop using the Bumbo all together... but I've learned my lesson about using it on elevated surfaces. I won't do it again.

Will and I are both still struggling with guilt. It's our fault it happened. We put him up where he shouldn't have been. Will turned his back for a split second. It happened SO FAST! I don't blame him though, because It could have happened on my watch too.

I'm so thankful for everyone who supported us emotionally. I felt so much better when everyone shared stories of their child's accidents and what they did! It was also nice to be surrounded by people that love us so much. It's been hard being in a new city and not knowing a lot of people. The reassuring part is knowing that the people we do know are some of the greatest people on earth. They didn't think twice about interrupting their Friday evening to come make sure Liam was ok. Even the people who couldn't stop what they were doing and leave, stopped what they were doing and PRAYED and that means just as much. I'm so thankful for my Revolve Church family!

I know this isn't our last crazy emergency situation... but hopefully it will be a LONG TIME before we have another!

I've never been much of a cook. I suppose that is what happens when you come from a very long line of "cooks" on both sides of your family yet show little interest in food aside from eating it. Having a professional Chef turned caterer for a sister doesn't help either.

When Will and I first got married me cooking dinner meant putting a frozen pizza in the oven or browning ground beef for a taco kit. I would always say that my family members could throw 5 ingredients in one pan and make a five course meal... and I was not like them! My Dad would remind me that no one starts out a well rounded cook and something about having a family and kids brings it out. He was right. After several years of trial and error and whole lot of experimentation, I've become a semi accomplished cook with many "recipes" (for real though... with an ingredients list and instructions and all). I now actually have a handful of dishes I've created, too!

Pasta is always my staple food. Whenever there is "nothing to eat" and I really need to go to the grocery store... there is ALWAYS pasta! The recipe I'm sharing is one of my "own"... though I really think every pasta variation ever has already been created, so I don't know how much credit I can take...

For those of you that made raising children look so glamorous, I hate you. Maybe hate isn't the best word there but I'm exhausted and cranky and that always brings out my greatest child-like attitude and vocabulary which often result in lots of I hate yous and you're not the boss of mes. Apparently run-on sentences as well.

I had the most unglamorous mom moment last night/this morning. It was horrible and embarrassingly disgusting. I'm sharing anyways... don't judge me.

At approximately 1:00 am after feeding, burping, changing, feeding again, burping again, rocking, cuddling, trying to put back in bed, failing, consoling, trying again, failing again, trying again and failing the third time for over an hour; I set my child down in his bed and walked out.

That's right.

That moment was pure, overwhelming exhaustion and desperation.

After a moment... several moments... of breathing and crying, I returned. Luckily, I found my fantabulous husband with baby in arms. Still crying I might add.

Daddy managed to get baby to sleep. Thank You Jesus.

Now my guilt is overwhelming. My ONLY job is to take care of that kid, and I walked out on him. Tears.

I'm going now to wallow in my sorrows...

Better days ahead? I hope so.