I'm really so thankful that we have been able to stay on my family's land in this period of transition and moving that we are in. When I lived here before I got married, I really did take it for granted. I appreciated the acreage because my life was all horses all the time, but the beauty of the pond, the wildflowers, the solitude... I didn't appreciate it. I feel like now I really have a second chance to take it all in.

I'm also so thankful for the sunshine. I've been dealing with bouts of anxiety and postpartum depression since Liam was born. It's a very real and unfortunate reality of child bearing I suppose. Sunshine is like nature's medicine. Anytime I feel those walls closing in on me, a 10 minute dose of sunshine clears my head and gets me back to my happy place!

Any other sunshine lovers out there?

Warning: Due to the Graphic Nature of This Post, Reader Discretion Is Advised.

TLC ain't got nothing on this story! Why share? Well, every woman LOVES a birth story (Whether she admits it or not! Any woman who claims otherwise spews lies or is really a man!) AND because I lost any trace of modesty and reserve I once owned in the delivery room. Grab some popcorn, it's gonna be a good one! 


While I'm handing out warnings, this story is L-O-N-G. Ye be warned.

Here goes...

I suppose I should start from the 36 week point. For those that are unaware, this is where the invasive prenatal appointments begin and the doctor "checks" the pregnant woman's cervix for dilation (openness) and effacement (thinness) as well as the position of the baby (preferably pointed down!). It's a very unflattering and uncomfortable event. For me, and apparently most people, it was followed by super scary bleeding and horrendous cramping. Luckily, Tylenol is safe in pregnancy!

Anyways... at my 36 week appointment my super fantabulous doctor (no sarcasm, I ADORE HER) "checked" me and was pleased to announce that I was 2 cm dilated and 75% effaced already! "Good Job!" She exclaimed. I was so excited and proud... as if I really had control over the situation! I was SO READY to deliver, or so I thought. With this being my first child, I then got a little frantic and panicked! I went home and immediately packed my hospital bag. I also packed the car with the diaper bag, car seat, and all the rest of my hospital necessities. In my head I just knew my water would break any second now.

Fast forward one week and I'm still pregnant! YAY! (that one was sarcasm in case you missed it) I was hoping to go into my 37 week appointment and have her tell me I was 4 cm and should go to the hospital immediately... no such luck. I was STILL 2 cm and only 80% effaced. It was technically better than I expected, as I had a dream after my 36 week appointment that at my next appointment I had suddenly become uneffaced and undilated and my labor progression was actually moving backwards! I've been told that's not possible... but I always fear the worst.

At this point I had begun praying that I would NOT go into labor on my own. My doctor was going out of town that weekend and I really wanted her to deliver me. If I'm being honest, I had also begun to get really scared about delivering. I had no idea what was going to happen. I worked in an OB-GYN office, so I technically knew the procedures and I had talked to so many friends about "what to expect"; but until you experience it for yourself, you won't KNOW what to expect regardless of how many stories you listen to. You can take 10 women and set them up for the same pregnancy and labor and delivery and all 10 of them will react totally different. I had no idea how I would handle labor. Would I scream like a lunatic in horrid pain? Would I be pleasant and euphoric (yeah... right!)?

Moving right along to 38 weeks. You guessed it, still pregnant! At my 38 week appointment I was 3 cm and 100% effaced. Finally more progress! I began to wonder... with literally no cervix left, how on earth was that baby still in there?! My fantabulous doctor then stripped my membranes. This involves separating the membrane that connects the amniotic sac to the wall of the uterus, which supposedly releases hormones called prostaglandins that cause the cervix to "ripen" and contractions to begin. I had talked to a few coworkers beforehand that had the procedure done and got everything from "it didn't hurt" to "it hurt worse than labor"... weirdos? I'm here to tell you that IT HURTS! Thank You Jesus for epidurals, Amen. 

Funny side-note. Prostaglandins are also found in semen. Maybe there is some truth to everyone, and I mean EVERYONE telling me "The best way to get your baby out is the same way you got him in there!" TMI WARNING: That didn't work either.

After the dreadful stripping of the membranes, I experienced the usual bleeding and cramping. Later that evening I lost my mucous plug. YAY! Baby on the way? Nope.

By this point I had stopped working. My swelling was out of control and I wanted a few days to tidy the house and just rest.

I went back in for my 39 week appointment (at 38 weeks and 6 days!) and I was STILL 3 cm and 100% effaced... drat! I didn't want to endure having my membranes stripped again, so I was set up for an induction on Friday (The appointment was on Wednesday).

You may want to break for coffee and cake now. We are about to get to the more exciting stuff.

Over the course of the past few weeks my contractions had become stronger and more frequent. Thursday evening before my induction I began having mildly painful contractions. They were sporadic, but painful. I don't think I slept that night at all. Between the contractions and the anticipation there was just no way to rest. Will didn't sleep either.

My alarm went off at 4 am Friday... not that I needed it. I got out of bed and began preparing for the big day. I wasn't quite sure how to prepare myself for labor... makeup? hairstyle? I opted for no makeup and hair piled sloppily atop my noggin, always a classic. We arrived at the hospital promptly at 5 am with baggage in tow. I, as usual, overpacked. Yes, I DO NEED 6 pairs of underwear for 2 days in the hospital. You can never be too prepared.

After checking in through the E.R. we were directed to the Labor and Delivery floor. The nurses were super sweet. I left a "specimen" and donned my sexy hospital gown. Working for the OB that is set to deliver you has it's perks. My delivery instructions were totally ready and very specific. "I don't want her to feel it" was literally part of my instructions. I had considered going all natural for most of my pregnancy... but after the pain I experienced just from stripping my membranes and the contractions I had already started to have, I knew I would not be able to handle labor without meds. I wanted labor and delivery to be as pleasant as possible... if that's possible!


The nurse then began questioning my every life moment for her records. She crossed the line and embarrassingly asked me my weight... in front of my husband. Heifer. My dear husband has never known me as anything other than 110 pounds. Don't get me wrong, I told him how much weight I gained, but I never told him what I weighed. Sure, he can do math. In my mind though, how much I actually weigh and how much weight I gained are two completely different worlds. 
Shut Up! They are not the same!! 
After the series of questions ranging from family history to hemorrhoids, the nurse placed my IV... in my forearm... OUCH! Apparently that's the best location for baby holding. She then pumped me with a bag of fluids and the had a little look-see down south. She happily reported I had made it to 4 cm and was completely effaced all on my own. Way to go body, way to go!! After my dear friend fluid was in my system the nurse paged my new BFF, the anesthesiologist. 


Bend over,  hug the pillow, hold still, shoulders straight... EPIDURAL! I suppose I had the best anesthesiologist on the planet because I didn't feel a single thing after she wiped my back with something cold. Seriously, my IV hurt worse! Not only did I not feel the placement of my epidural, the dosage was phenomenal! I felt pressure, but no pain! I could actually feel my contractions but they didn't hurt... does it get any better?? I could even move my legs on my own, though they were pretty "heavy". Thank You Jesus for epidurals, Amen. After my wonderful epidural, my nurse started my Pitocin (the drug used to induce Labor) on the lowest dose.


My Labor and Delivery is going to totally ROCK! This is SO EASY. Famous last words?


Post Epidural Kick-In Party, my fab-tastic doctor arrived to break my water. She checked me and I had dilated to 5 cm. YAY! Baby will be here by like 9:00, right? 


She broke my water with a plastic stick and cheered when I gushed clear fluid! Here We Go! She said she would see me at lunch and we would have a baby :)


By now it's 8:00 and I'm having pretty regular contractions. I still feel good. I try as much as possible to rest while I can. I'm chatting with Will, checking facebook, texting family, life is good. 


Let's skip ahead a few hours, shall we? 


At 11:00 my doctor calls to check on me. The nurse comes in and checks me. I'm 8 cm. Almost There. By this time I am slightly less chipper. My body hurts, I'm exhausted, and I am STARVING! No Food after midnight... how am I supposed to have the strength to push a baby out with no food?! I have an overall feeling of crud. Thank You Jesus for epidurals, because this could be WAY WORSE, Amen.


At 11:30 my monitor starts to beep. My nurse comes in and moves me onto my side... Baby's heart rate was too low! Moving onto my left side solved the problem.


At 12:00 I begin to feel the most ridiculous pressure down under. I informed Will that the baby was ready...


Waiting


Waiting


Waiting


At 12:30 my doctor calls again to check on me. The nurse comes in to check me... and snatches her hand back from checking me as though my fetus had just tried to bite her and says "Oh, my!"
Not Good.
Me: "What's wrong?"
Nurse: "Let me just go talk to Dr. Logan"
Me: "How far am I dilated?"
Nurse: "I'll be right back, hun. I just have to go let her know."
Me: " HOW FAR AM I DILATED?!"
Nurse: "Sweetie, you're ready to push. You're 10 cm and his head is RIGHT THERE!"
Me: ...silence...


Suddenly, nurses begin to swarm around my room like bees. They run back and forth grabbing supplies and moving furniture. They lay out tarps and tools and wheel in carts with unknown items. My pitocin gets bumped up to make the process "quick".


Apparently my bed was a transformer. It went from hospital bed to birthing station in a matter of seconds. The nurse puts my feet up into the stirrups as my lovely doctor waltzes through the door! Will assumed his position to my left up near my head. We had both agreed previously that it was best for him to remain out of view of all the action. In his own words: "I have a mental image of what that looks like and I don't want to ruin it... I'll see it again in 6 weeks!" 


At 1:03 I began to push. I had a nurse holding each leg and a husband literally helping me push by hoisting me forward with every contraction. 


Insert loads and loads and loads of "You're doing great", "Come on, PUSH!", "Deep breath and push, push, push, push, push...", "You're almost there, just one more push!"


Thank You Jesus for epidurals, Amen. 


The increase in Pitocin that my nurse gave me had my contractions coming CONSTANTLY. I only had about 15-30 seconds in between each contraction. They were coming so fast poor baby Liam was in distress! They lowered my Pitocin and we continued.


As the doctor sewed up the extra hole now in my body, the nurse requested the degree of my "tear" (A hole or split in something caused by it having been pulled apart forcefully. OUCH!)... "Oh... let's see... Yeah, that's a THREE" she said.


Wonderful. Thank You Jesus for epidurals, Amen.


Unfortunately, they removed my dearest epidural. I'll miss you, my friend!


The "baby catcher" brought Liam to me. We did "skin to skin" and I attempted nursing him. It was such a wonderful, beautiful time. I could already tell he recognized my voice. I spoke softly to him and listened to him coo. I wish I could bottle the wave of emotions I experienced. I could sell it and make a killing... would that make me a drug dealer? Who cares.





If that picture doesn't make your vacant womb crave a child, you've probably had a hysterectomy. 


Now would be a good time to refill your coffee and get more cake! I'm not even close to done...


After our bonding time, the nursery came and took Liam for his bath and official weigh in and etc. My nurse found food to ease my famished state.


Cold Hospital Fish and Rice. Yum? I was so hungry I couldn't help but eat it.


We informed our visitors and family via text that they could go see Liam at the nursery and that Will and I would be ready for company at 3:00 in our postpartum room. I requested not to see anyone before delivery and I never regret that decision. It was so nice and peaceful in the L&D room not having to "entertain" visitors and then ask them to leave every time the nurse decided to bust in and create an awkward moment. 


Then we waited to be moved to the Postpartum Floor.


When 3:00 rolled around, Will asked the nurse how much longer before we were moved. She said it would be at least another hour. UGH, the AGONY! So, we let all of our family and visitors go ahead and visit in L&D.


Fast Forward two hours...


By 5:00 my new mommy bliss and epidural were both totally gone. I was in SEVERE pain and still sitting in a bed in L&D. My sweet nurse brought me pain medicine and apologized for the delay. "There are no open rooms in postpartum!" 


By 6:00 I was pretty sure I was dying and wouldn't make it out of L&D alive. The nurse brought me another dose of pain medicine after Will told her I was in terrible pain still. The nurse asked him where I was hurting... really? where am I hurting? To quote him exactly: "Um, where all the action happened..." 


At 6:30 I had enough and lost my religion. I won't go into detail about what went on in order to protect my reputation, but it wasn't good. I was the victim of an unfortunate hospital understaffing dilemma. My nurses were all wonderful. The fact of the matter is I should have been in a postpartum room being cared for by postpartum nurses. The L&D nurses had done their part with me already. I was in limbo... Labor & Delivery was done with me but Postpartum wasn't ready for me. This sad situation left me sitting uncared for in horrendous pain. Luckily, after my fit, my L&D nurses stepped up and did the postpartum job. I had 2 Percocet and a Naproxen "in my system" but I still felt like my nether region was on FIRE. Then it came! The second best labor & delivery item after the epidural... The Maxi Pad Cocktail. I honestly don't know what this concoction is really called, but I call it heaven. The Maxi Pad Cocktail is a Maxi Pad, an Ice Pack, Witch Hazel Pads, and Epifoam. It was perfection in my mesh hospital panties. I went from near death to happy momma in a matter of minutes.


It wasn't until 8:30 that I was FINALLY moved to my postpartum room. We were all exhausted.





I wish I had more exciting things to tell you, but the remainder of my hospital stay was fairly uneventful. There was lots of Maxi Pad Cocktail changing and nursing attempts and welcoming visitors with a sloppy bun on my head and bags under my eyes. The food was terrible. The bed was worse than the food. I got my flu shot and my DPT shot. I knew I loved the kid because I was voluntarily taking a needle for him. I continued to suffer the consequences of an understaffed hospital. I had good nurses. I had bad nurses. I fought the bad ones every few hours for the pain medicine that they treated me like I didn't need. "Are you sure you need them both? I'll just bring you one and if you're still hurting in an hour you can have another." Really? I don't want to hurt AT ALL! Maybe they didn't realize I just had a baby? 


Call me Debbie Downer, but I'm glad that part is over!


The best part of it all?


Taking this guy home...





I hope you enjoyed my graphic L&D Story :)


Postpartum is next AND You'll hear all about my son's projectile vomit saga! I know, I can't wait either!!